Kettle and Cup

Coffee Date Basics for Married People

by Marye on January 31st, 2008

Since I admitted in my last post that I have been married for 28 years I decided to expound on the joys of enduring marital bliss and how it is directly related to coffee consumption.

By the way, yes I know I have talked about coffee a lot the past few days..I have a tea review coming up..so be patient, ‘k?

Marc and I started having weekly coffee dates about 15 years ago.  We realized that with as big of a family as we were producing, if we were to maintain our identity as a couple, most especially, a couple in love, the we were going to have to prioritize our relationship to the #2 spot in our lives. I say #2 spot because our individual relationships with Jesus Christ will always be the #1 spot.

We really have never had much money.   One income, large family…and, unless you are a CEO somewhere, that does not spell money…and Marc has never been a CEO anywhere but at home.  Great benefits/no pay.  His job had lousy benefits/lousy pay ..anyway…

We decided that we would set aside one hour, one day a week, that was just our time.  We would go away from home, we would do something and talk. Not about problems, not about issues, not about money….we would talk about us, our hopes,  prayers,  dreams, fears, and most importantly, we would relearn the fine art of flirting and sexual tension.  Those two things seem to be the things that die in marriage the quickest.

So, we did.  We went to the local coffee shop, and sat at a 2 person table.  That sounds very average until you figure that our family table is nine feet long and seats 12.  We smiled at each other, held hands, joked, laughed and remembered why we had gotten married in the first place …(because I am HOT, and he could not resist me).

Once we couldn’t go, I can’t remember what happened.  I was so disappointed.  Marc called me out into the area of the garden where I had heirloom roses.  It was spring and the roses were full in bloom, the scent was heavy, and he had gone and gotten our favorite coffee drinks and set up a table in the garden…then threatened the kids with severe harm if they interrupted.  He made sure we had our hour.

It is getting on toward Valentines Day.   I don’t know everyone who reads this blog, some of you comment and i have gotten to know you, some of you read and never let me know.  For those of you who are married I encourage you to find an hour a week, over coffee (or tea) and invest in your spouse.  Here are our ground rules:

• Cell phone is turned to vibrate and does not get answered unless it is one of the kids…and it BETTER be life and death.
• Dress to please each other , not dressed up, necessarily, but in a way that your spouse likes.  Uh, that everyone else can also view.
• Hold hands
• Look into each other’s eyes when talking
• Get something good. Even if you are dieting take this one day to have one treat..We always get lattes with EXTRA whipped cream.
• Flirt
• If you see someone you know greet them, but make it obvious that this is a private party and more than two is a crowd
• No sarcasm, cut downs, or digs
• Try whispering compliments.  RACY compliments.
• Don’t talk about family things on your coffee date. If you need to discuss that stuff do it another time.
• Flirt
• Flirt
• Feel superior, just a little, because everyone (except the 16 year olds making out in the corner) is jealous of your awesome relationship.

Give it a few months.  Like any muscle that has been unused it will feel strange for awhile.  But the benefits?  Definitely positive.

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